I Should Tell You
by Lily Aoibheann
Summary: Rachel makes a promise to herself after a bad night. Hints of R/C.


Title: I Should Tell You  
Author: Lily Aoibheann  
Rating: PG-13 (I think)  
Summary: If you want a happy fic, go away because you're not gonna find it here. Rachel POV.  
Pairing: R/C kinda.  
A/N: I'm taking the plunge and trying to write for Rachel. How'd I do?  
Feedback: Please?   
Dedicated to Forlay for being a wonderful beta reader and a fantastic writer.  
  
//indicates thoughts//  
  
(Rachel)  
  
I swing out, my steel-hard claws cutting through the Hork-Bajir's flesh   
like a knife through soft butter.  
  
They come at me from all angles, their arm blades cut at me, tear at my   
flesh. The blood from a head wound streams into my eyes, blinding me.   
Roaring in pain-induced rage I slash at them. I'm running on an   
adrenaline high; they are my prey.  
  
As my last enemy falls around me my roar turns triumphant; I have won. I   
turn my head quickly from side-to-side, alert for any sign of attack.  
  
But that's not what I see.  
  
My friends, my fellow Animorphs, stand all crowded together in the   
middle of the room, their bodies blocking my view of what they are   
looking at.  
  
I demorph. My shaggy bear fur giving way to long blond hair and soft,   
weak, human flesh. I stride purposefully forward towards the huddled   
group. //Why aren't they celebrating? We won. Right?//  
  
As I near the group, everyone turns and stands. Jake looks at me with an   
expression of utter sadness and hopelessness. Confusion lines his face.   
Marco looks at me, his eyes full of rage...towards me. Ax and Tobias   
aren't even looking at me. As they back away from the shape on the   
floor, My heart skips and I stop breathing.  
  
Cassie.  
  
Beautiful, kind, gentle Cassie. Her once perfect, smooth flesh is marred   
by jagged tears. Deep wounds, still draining blood.  
  
I drop to my knees beside her, my hand glides up her arms to the pulse   
point in her neck. Nothing. Nothing but silence. My hands move to cover   
her wounds, trying to seal the rest of her blood inside her.  
  
Then I see it. Why the others looked at me that way. The pattern of her   
wounds; these were not made by the razor blades of a Hork-Bajir.  
  
A bear made them.   
  
Me.  
  
I yank my hands away from her rapidly cooling skin and turn the palms   
up. A drop of her blood runs down a crevice in my hand and down my arm   
to be absorbed by my morphing outfit. I move my hands closer to my face   
and my tongue darts out, tasting the metallic flavor of her blood and   
the salt of my own tears. The blood on the floor around her seems to   
reach out towards me. Long fingers of blood, pointing at me, accusing   
me, staining me. //I did this. I killed her//  
  
I hear cries of anguish and realize they're coming from my own throat.  
  
I lay over her, clutching at her shoulders, calling desperately to her.   
"Come back to me. Open your eyes. Smile for me. Please Cassie..."  
  
I pull her up to me, burying me face in the crook of her shoulder,   
tasting salt and blood on my lips. I want to sink into her, stay with   
her always...  
  
  
My eyes open and I slowly focus on the air above me. Glow-in-the-dark   
stars shine down from a pale blue ceiling. I'm in Cassie's room.   
//Oh...Oh God!//  
  
I leap up from my air mat on the floor, dashing out the hall to make it   
to the bathroom before I throw up.  
  
I stand unsteadily against the wall of the bathroom, my eyes closed, and   
listen to the hitching in my breath. //It wasn't real. You were only   
dreaming Rachel. Cassie's fine.// I run my tongue across my lips and   
taste blood. My eyes snap open and I stare at my reflection in the   
antique mirror. Messy hair, wide bloodshot eyes, pale skin, bloody lower   
lip. //I must have bitten down into it when I was sleeping.// I splash   
cold water on my face and gargle mouthwash, vainly trying to get rid of   
the taste of blood and vomit.  
  
I pad back into Cassie's room, thankful that she and her parents are   
deep sleepers. I sit gently on her bed and reach out to touch her.  
  
I trace the visible veins down her arm to her wrist. *Thump* *Thump* I   
let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. Her heartbeat   
triggers something in me and I can feel tears making their way down my   
cheeks. She's alive. I watch as she breathes, hypnotized by the sight.   
My hands dance across her, drawing invisible patterns on her skin. I   
reach up and touch her cheek lightly, though I feel like I'm drowning.  
  
I can't lose her. I just can't. I remember cradling her tiny form when   
she had trapped herself in the body of a caterpillar to save that little   
girl. I had raged then too, but only inside. She'd still been alive but   
she would never come over to spend the night with me again. Never sit   
and talk about everything that was happening in our crazy lives. Never   
again to curl up with me under that old ratty blanket and watch sappy   
movies.  
  
But I got her back. I had told myself that I would make sure she knew   
how much I cared for her. Spend some extra time with her. But I didn't,   
did I? More and more of my time I spent with Tobias, trilling in the   
feeling of a "normal" high school romance.  
  
I can't be that Rachel anymore. I can't lose her again. She's more   
important to me then Tobias could ever be. I love her so much. And I   
don't think I've ever told her that.  
  
I crawled off the bed back to my air mattress and pulled the blanket up   
to my shoulders. Somehow, I'm going to make sure she knows.  
  
End 


End file.
